go look in my summer blog

i have a new blog up, its called Summer♥. So anyone who wishes to follow that blog its http://summer2009kenzie.blogspot.com/ <<<<< right there =]

my random blabber. :3

So, as you could probably already tell. To the left is my boyfriend Anthony and I. =] It'll be 2 months on Monday the 22nd. :) haha. I wanted to use a different picture other than the ones of me. I kinda got really bored of just using me in the entries. I met him through my best friend/big brother Nick. Apparently, one day Nick was commenting my pictures on myspace and Ant saw my pictures and asked who I was. Nick told him and Ant started to like me alott.

Lets just say, Ant makes me so happy, its unbelieveable :)

Well, I almost had to do summer school today too. I'm grounded on top of it until Monday, so yeah. I failed one of my classes for the year and the teacher called today right when I was walking through the damn door. My mom and I got into a huge fight because I didn't bother to take the final, because even if I did take it, it wouldn't have helped my grade anyway. So I'm stuck going to school tomorrow even though school ended today technically. On top of all that, my ex-boyfriend Rob wants to fight Ant and is startin shit with me, him and one of his friends. UGH. Bullshit drama. Just something I don't want to deal with so I'm just gonna end it for them both and just keep em' away from eachother. Easyier said than done though. Ugh

Fml

So I just got done dying my hair black and blond. It was my birthday present for my 16th birthday from my Mom and my Grandpop. I did it with the intensions of the fact that its what I wanted, also with the little fact that I knew my grandmother would hate it and be extremely pissed off about it, so therefore, I was completely ready for the consequences. Except for the fact that I didn't think that as soon as she saw me she would break down crying cause I cut and dyed my hair, and that it wasn't all one color. 

Now that brings me to the fact that the entire ride to PA was a miserable mess. I got lecture on my grades, which yes they weren't exactly that good at all this year, BUT, they got better as the year went on. AND got lectured on the fact that now that I have black in my hair, it has to grow out and that i look mean and evil with it. I tried to ignore her but it hurt. It hurt alot, some of the things she was saying. But I sat there and took it, because in the end, why would I be upset about the fact that someone doesn't like the way I am, even though she IS my grandmother. If I love the way I look, then why was I getting upset. 

I guess I was upset because all she ever wants me to do is be just like  her. Its not me and I CAN'T be just like her. I just can't do that. I guess I was upset because all I really want is for her to accept me for me and not judge me or think im crazy for dying my hair and being myself. I talked to my uncle about it and he said that she's just scared im going to make the same mistakes he and my mom did, and I already told myself I wouldn't. I told everyone I wouldn't, but, for some reason no one believes me. It bothers me that when I speak my mind and tell everyone how it is, NO ONE believes me. I just don't understand. Can't someone just listen for once? Just so that I can tell them how I feel and how everything in my life is. Its hard enough trying to live up to people expectations, and even harder when everything you built up so high comes crashing down on you, and you only have a few people there to keep you safe when those walls come crumbling down.

By "my walls", I mean the people I was friends with. I started dating someone, 3 people who I thought would understand, left. I don't understand to this day, and I still don't know what to do. I want to apologize, but they probably wouldn't take my apology. It hurts so bad to think or even know that that would happen, but its the ugly truth. Maybe they would accept it, and things would go back to normal, but, thats a really long shot, since they said that I betrayed their trust.

I've lost most of the people who used to be my friends in a fight with one guy. This one guy decided to be a dick and turn most of my friends against me. Therefore, more walls came crumbling down...To this day, hes still causing trouble. I lost 2 more of my friends 2 weeks ago. I want to talk to them, but they won't even look at me and I didn't say anything or do anything, no matter what the roumers said.

The only people that are around to help is maybe 4 or 5 people. Out of the huge amount of people I used to hang out with, I have 5 people left. All the others left, and them leaving ended in a fight. I understand you loose people as you go through high school, but I was close to all of them, and knowing that they may never talk to me again, hurts a lot. I just wish there was something I could do to fix all of my problems...even the ones that no one knows about. I have so much crap going on, I honestly don't think that anyone reading this could keep up with the issues of my life. 

FUCK YOU.

So this is about someone I know, and we used to be good friends. The past couple months has been fucking hell, and I've realized that nothing but drama tags along with this person. When I wasn't talking to them, my life was so less complicated, it seemed like the weight on my chest got a little bit lighter than it was. I probably shouldn't have given the person the satisfaction of writing this, but, it really is the honest fuckin truth. I'm not putting up with the person's drama and bullshit anymore. This is one last final testament to that. Hope you like it.

Untitled

I'm sick and tired of all the stupid love songs, 

They're bullshit anyway.

They used to be all about you;

But you chewed me up and threw me away. 

You wanna be best friends? 

Kiss my fucking ass.

Im done with all of your stupid pathetic bullshit, 

Go play another dumbass.

You've dont it to other girls, 

Treated them like shit.

You didn't think I'd find out,

All that fuckin shit?! 

Your just a stupid boy.

You just follow your fuckin dick.

Grow the fuck up and man up a bit,

Or I promise you that when you grow old

You'll most likely be alone.

Maybe I should let karma kick your ass, 

It'll get you eventually, it always does.

I've seen it happen before, and I won't

Mind seeing it happen again.

I'm done with you. 

I'm done with your shit.

I'm done with everything that tags along with you. 

I honestly can't understand, 

Why I was blinded by "love".

It was most likely a summer thing, 

Just hormones, not what you called "love".

Maybe I will let karma kick your ass, 

I won't have to do anything but grab some

Popcorn and enjoy the show.

Watch your reality crash just like mine, 

And let it toss you to and fro. 

I'm done with you.

And I'm done with your shit.

I'm done with everything that tags along with you. 

What I can't understand is why you can't accept me for me. You think everything about me is wrong, and just wish that I was that pretty preppy girl that goes out with the star quaterback on the football team that everyone wishes that they were. I'm sorry to dissapoint you, but thats not me. Thats not my personality, and I'm not just gonna change because you don't like who I am. You might be my grandmother and yes, I do love you, but why must you be so judgemental because of the way I dress and the way I look? Just because you grew up in a time where everyone wore dresses and were girly and such, doesn't mean that that has to rub off on me. Its just not how it works. I look at you when you look at me, and I can see the disgust in your eyes how much you hate the way I am and how much you hate the fact that I didn't turn out the way YOU wanted me to. I don't understand why you can't just be like Mom and understand that I'm not gonna be like that. I wish you wouldn't be so close-minded and think that everything everyone else does is wrong and your always right. I wish you could just accept who I am and the fact that I'm not the cheerleader that has the perfect boyfriend that plays football. Its not how it works, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not the girl you want me to be. I hate when I come to your house, I have to pretend I'm something that I'm really not and I hate it. I wish you could read everything I'm typing, considering the fact that you don't listen to me when I try to be mature about things like this with you like you asked me to. Maybe everything would get through to your head (even though its something that I truely highly doubt). I guess its just too much to ask for. I honestly don't know. Maybe someday you'll change, but after 58 years of having the same morals and high expectations, you most likely won't. Considering the fact you did the same exact thing to my Mom. And you wonder why you and Mom got into so many fights. It just wasn't because of the whole fact that Mother's and Daughter's fight a lot, its because your judgemental. You try to lead everyone elses life like its your own, you always tell people what to do and expect things to come out okay. Sometimes, you just need to learn to but out of other peoples lives and let them make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes. In the mall, you see the kids wearing parachute pants and TRipp pants and you think that they are "hoodlums" when they really aren't. Like I said, your judgmental against people you know, and people you don't know. And like I said, I wish that you could read this and see how I really felt.